Do We Actually Need Closure to Move On?

Exploring the truth behind the need for closure after a breakup.

DO YOU REALLY NEED CLOSURE TO HEAL?

I’ve always wondered what exactly finding closure means because, honestly, it looks different for everybody. Jane says she needs to keep access to her ex’s social media—like some digital goodbye hug—because that’s her idea of “closure.” Dave feels like he can’t move on without a final heart-to-heart with his ex of six years. And then there’s the one that truly baffles me: dialing up an ex just to hear their voice one last time. To do what, exactly? Say goodbye? Get closure?

But seriously, what even is closure? Dr. Beth Ribarsky, a professor of interpersonal communication and expert on romantic relationships, defines closure as “an understanding and acceptance that a relationship has ended, often including a rationale for why it ended.” In simpler terms, it’s that deep need for answers or a peaceful resolution—a way to tie up the loose ends and make peace with what happened. But do we really need it to move forward? Or is closure just a comforting illusion we cling to because the alternative feels unbearable?

When a Relationship Ends, It’s a Rollercoaster

A lot of us get into relationships and start glowing—smiling more, dreaming bigger, even becoming that lover boy or girl we swore we’d never be. It’s the good kind of magic. But when it ends, whew, it’s chaos. You’re overwhelmed, confused, hurt, and maybe a little betrayed. Unless, of course, you were in a toxic relationship—then congratulations on your freedom!

Still, the heartbreak can leave you spiraling. The long-distance breakups that end on the phone? They always make me wonder, how do you even process that? Closure becomes the emotional equivalent of a burial—you need that final ritual to lay the relationship to rest. Or at least, that’s what people think.

Do You Really Need Closure?

Here’s the thing: Not everyone gets the closure they want. Life isn’t a movie where your ex shows up in the rain to explain everything. Some people will ghost you, leave you hanging, or just refuse to give you answers. When that happens, many of us trap ourselves in a mental loop: If I could just text him one last time… If I could just hold her hand one last time, if i could just see him one last time…, Heck, some of us even turn Ariana Grande’s “One Last Time” into our personal breakup anthem.

But what if the idea of closure is holding you back? What if the real answer isn’t a final conversation but something far more challenging—acceptance?

When You Think You Need Closure

The truth is, most of us feel like we need closure when we’re stuck. You might find yourself obsessively checking their social media, replaying every conversation, or questioning your worth. It’s easy to convince yourself that one final talk will fix everything. But closure isn’t a prerequisite for healing.

You don’t need their permission to let go. You don’t need answers to move forward. You’re allowed to hurt and heal on your own terms.

Steps to Heal Without Closure

1. Start with Acceptance.
   Let’s be real—closure is a luxury, not a guarantee. Accept that you may never get the answers you’re looking for or the conversation you think you need. Acceptance isn’t giving up; it’s saying, “I deserve peace, even without all the details.”

2. Practice Self-Reflection.
   This is the part where you get real with yourself. If you contributed to the breakup, own your part. What mistakes did you make? How can you grow from this? And if the other person hurt you, reflect on what boundaries you need to set moving forward. Ask yourself: What exactly hurt me, and how do I heal from that?

3. Give Yourself Grace.
   Stop beating yourself up for falling in love, being vulnerable, or getting hurt. Healing takes time. You’re not the worst person in the world (and if you are—well, at least you’re reflecting!). You’re human, and it’s okay to feel broken for a while. Just don’t shut yourself off from the possibility of better love in the future.

4. Redirect Your Focus.
   Reclaim your energy by doing things you love. Learn something new, rediscover hobbies, or dive into your passions. The goal isn’t to “move on overnight” but to create a life where you feel whole without the need for someone else’s validation.

Final Thoughts

It’s okay to grieve the end of something beautiful. It’s okay to hurt. But it’s also okay to let go, even if you don’t have all the answers.

For anyone going through this phase right now, I’m sending you so much love and wishing you peace in the middle of your chaos. You’ve got this—and you’re not alone. This space is here for you whenever you need it.

Xoxo,
Your Safe Space